I am really starting to think that I’m with him because no one else has come by and tried to get me... which is really sad and evil of me to be with him, right?? I hate when people ask others what they want for their birthday. it defeats the whole person of getting someone you care about something that you know will make them happy, something YOU were actually able to think about by yourself.
I guess it offers comfort to be “stable” and “have someone”, but the fun of finding someone is gone...
Sometimes I feel like I’m overtly too smart over him... it sounds cocky but I’m serious. OMG friday he said the most retarded thing, I thought he was DAVE for a second (ouch!).
“Yeah I might be a little depressed tonight. Just to warn you.” so then I obviously have to be all like “oh no, what’s wrong?” when instead of this charade he coulda said “Hey, this happened today blabla” Games stink.
A quickie: when the fuck will we ActUALLY kiss???? I’ve pecked him twice, but like holy shit as if he doesn,t feel the urge to just kiss me??? Maybe he’s just not a kissing kinda guy? Who ISN’T?! Ahhh confusion....
AH! And all of these excentric plans are kinda annoying... sure, it’s nice to do big things sometimes, but can’t we just chill? Like, I “enjoyed” saturday night cos we just sat in front of TV and watched our movie, and still got to chat and all. But, for our “4th date”, he’s planning this whole meal by candling dinner at this plate. I mean, that’s super sweet and thoughtful, don’t get me wrong!! But allllll of our plans other than this weekend have been like that...Ruins the specialness...
Okay, recent outcomings-
Vinny says:
quest ce que je tai dit
-|Maxi|- it couldn't have turned out to be anything else says:
qu'on soupe ensemble samedi soir chez toi?
Vinny says:
ahhh ok cest pas tout
Vinny says:
in the spirit of having to plans more things out
Vinny says:
you come over
Vinny says:
we make super or me make super
Vinny says:
we eat super
Vinny says:
we go out for a walk after super we come back watch movie
Vinny says:
we dance to some jazz music
Vinny says:
then well its gets blurry
Whatever now he’s being more stupid and I’m actually telling him that this whole “Planning things out exactly” thing pisses me off.
And of course, I saw Adam today, work party. I’m very proud of my work for his birthday :) I got the waitress to sing, brought him a piece of cake, bought him a card everyone signed, and burnt him a cd :)
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be just friends with him... cos the more I say “Man, I’m glad we’re just friends,” the more I know I secretly still want him but can’t come to admitting it to myself, or him. And I feel bad for keeping this from Vince, but I can’t exactly just tell him, you know. I tell Ben and Kat about things and I know for sure they are trying to change my mind about Adam, Kat last week said “Don’t do it”. Ahhhhh why am I like this?? He’s too awesome and we just click, so this friendshiip is really worthwhile. But I can just keep blocking out the feelings I have for him, right? I’ll try that. (Not that I haven’t been trying that for the past year and a half, hint-hint...)
Aww I spoke to Nick today!! Of all people! (Nick my Ex, dated for a few months, he lived in Kingston, I had a fricken awesome time with him, he broke up with me then dated maggie 2 weeks later, is the person that um “knows my body” the most? Lol..., that guy!) And like in the 7 minutes we spoke, I was able to blurt out some thoughts about my current love-ular situation... and he had to go but he said to call him later :) It’s nice to have people to tell these things to, people that aren’t anywhere near the situation (I mean, Kat and Ben still have direct access to me and vince)