So, this evening with Vincent was nice. And I was saying about how I don't really know anything beyond him, well, I think I learnt a lot today.
He somehow started telling me about his family, and how he hates them and wants no part with them. His dad's hit him before, they fight all the time.
I mean, I'm glad he told me, it was good for him too I think, but maybe this was kind of early? No, I don't know. It's just I feel as if I just listened to hiim talk all night, either about his trip to Italy or his family...
And I feel bad for him, and I want to be there for him, but I definitly didn't feel like his girlfriend. I do think he needs me in his life, he doesn't seem to have many people to who he can confide in.
And then he talked about crying, and how he hates to and how he gets angry if he does or even if he thinks about it.
I'm getting really baffled here.
I don't know.
The thing that I really like about us, is that I'm not afraid of being alone with him and not having anything to talk about. But friday I felt like he was the only one talking! I mean, I've had so many crushes and stuff before where I adored them but I didn't have a clue how to act or what to say around them, yet everything was really cool when we were around other people.
But when will me and Vince get "actual" alone time? See, sitting at a table in a restaurant doesn't give us much intimacy.
I really feel like I'm just one of his friends. To me, "physical" is important. I'm not saying I have to bone him within the first week (haha boned... I just watched American Wedding :P), lol not at all, but I mean like for the first hour or so we didn't touch each other.
Holding hands me a LOT to me, and though we did for most of the night, I just don'T feel very physically connected to him.
In spririt, I think I do.
I'm not sure.
Thank god for this diary, because II can't tell anyone what goes thru my mind. They'll take it literally, whilst you can see that everyday my thoughts change entirely.
I would love to not have to "go out" with him, screw restaurants and such, but just spend time sitting on a couch together!
And, this whole thing with his cold soar kinda grosses me out... are they that infectuous?? He said once "Once you get one you have it for life." I don't want one!
But I want to kiss him, I have, and I will want to again...
I'm just not sure what's important to me right now, nor to him.
A few days ago I was saying, "I only know him on the outisde", well now I know a lot more about his so-called "double life" he leads, school + home. But I don't know how he feels about US. That's what's important to me right now.