I'm so thinking too much...
Me and Vincent just feels weird. Like, we've been having the stupid arguments (not really arguing, but to me it was) about what to do tonight.
See, I just wish I could get alone time with him and just be with him, but he has his heart set on a jazz café of some sort. Why spend money when you can stay home and rent a movie? Like, is it that everytime we'll go out/do anything together, we need to literally go out? What about just being together?
That's what I'm trying to figure out.
And now Adam arrives again. This is so super awesome, but it's bringing up old thoughts... old being, what like 2 weeks b4 Vincent came into the picture?
I see like this... I knew Vincent liked me b4 I noticed it, and I think I started liking him because he liked me. (Who has ever expressed interest in ME??) And, he arrived when I was overtly obsessed with Adam, and so I just went "Screw Adam" and went the Vincent way. So, I have no way of actually knowing if I've moved on from Adam, hopefully I have? He's a wiked awesome friend and I have to block out any thoughts of being more, out of respect for Vince?
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure about Vince. I mean, it's awesome to have someone, but I really hope we connect on a "deeper" level shall we say. I don't think he even has a hidden side, he seems to be just out there. But does he think of stuff like this or what?
Arrrg.
Okay, and Vince is just too sweet. Like, I have a feeling he likes me much more than he shows, because of the way he acts and tries to be all cool and "I don't care" about things.
Like, he's just there, very stable, and if I want something stable, I've got it. But do I want it? I'm not sure if it feels right... again, I'm not sure if I fell for him because of him or because I knew he liked me.
I mean, can you find me any other guy in the world (whoa sorry, exagerating) that *wants* to go to a jazz café??
Another random ugly thought that popped into my head... What woulda happened, had I not been drunk at Do's party when I got together with Vincent? Would my "normal" behaviour have led to us still begin together?
I've figured out what's wrong with me. Well, I've known for awhile that I stink at making decisions, because I never wanna close doors. That and anything will make me happy, usually all the options are equal.
So, I've just understood, how I do this with love too!!!!
Explanation: I keep too many boys. I don't think I'd be able to settle down with just one, because I think of what could have been with the other. Plus, the grass is always greener on the other side.
Back to my love life: So, Vincent is right there. He actually wants me. This is something I am *not* used to, I'm used to working much harder to start things up. I think that's why I'm re-thinking every single thing with him. Maybe it's just scary for me?
So, I keep options onpe, I really do. Like, I still have hope for something with Adam, and i think what appeals me is the "hardness" of it all. How I have no clue if he wants/has ever wanted me. I guess I like a project? A fixer-upper shall I say?
I don't even think Vincent knows a thing about me. Well, other than my defaults, like not being able to make decisions, ever. Not but seriously, I look forward to the day when I learn something about him, like actually. Not his views on the world, but what he's thinking, feeling.
Like, a perfect example, I woulda never known he liked me if it weren't for the 23 billion people he told, and the same amount of people that knew he was going to ask me out on Valentine's b4 I did. I still think I wouldn't know, had no one told me. Well, I woulda gotten the idea when he asked me, but still.
I just don't feel like he shows me any signs of anything.
It's odd.